


the bouquet we glued together of lace flowers

by bloopee



Series: and i'll do better [2]
Category: Block B
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, Friendship, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, not a bad ending..., still don't think so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-03 00:25:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11520654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloopee/pseuds/bloopee
Summary: the hanahaki disease is an illness, where the patient throws up and coughs flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love.it almost feels like fate





	the bouquet we glued together of lace flowers

**Author's Note:**

> please read part 1 for context! (feel free to not do that if you don't feel like it, i'm not the boss of you)

"I'm... not sure what you want me to tell you, Minhyuk." Jaehyo crosses his legs, sitting on the couch, and sighs, a little annoyed. Not that he's annoyed at Minhyuk's persistance or his unnerving gaze trying to look for answers in Jaehyo's face. It's the fact that Minhyuk's such a damn hypocrite, criticizing Kyung whenever he's just relatively a little nosy, and pretending like he himself isn't asking Jaehyo to tell him something which Jaehyo's said he doesn't want to talk about right now. Or ever.

 

"What was his name, that Kim?" Minhyuk thinks for a second. "Youngjun?" He tries and doesn't even wait for Jaehyo to shake his head in disagreement. "Why are you dating him?" He asks like it were any of his business.

 

"Younghoon." Jaehyo correct, his voice clearly showing disinterest. "And we broke up. I broke up with him." He says, voice stale, and that successfuly makes Minhyuk stop thinking for a few moments. The way Jaehyo talks so unfamiliarly, simply, as if he were talking about the shower he took the night before. Cold. Minhyuk doesn't like it.

 

Kyung, who's been sitting silently off on the side, listening and waiting for an opportunity to speak, as if he knew what he would be talking about, pipes up with an almost bored tone.

 

"Why'd you break up?" He asks, munching on a cookie Jaehyo's brought over to replace all three of their lunches. There's hardly any time to eat these days with Jihoon filming constantly, Taeil and Jiho off somewhere dealing with something they don't deem anyone worthy of talking about (as much as Jaehyo feels as though Kyung knows, told or not). Yukwon with the choreographer, trying to think of a dance which would be effortless and easy because Block B can't do coordinated dances for all they're worth. The other's are left to work in the studio for all seven of them. Jaehyo remembers that's what it means to be teammates in this business.

 

"Wait, don't ask him that. Did nobody ever tell you being nosy is a bad habit of yours?" Minhyuk talks as if he was older, which he was, but it still makes Kyung roll his eyes at him, not taking time to tell Minhyuk any his own wisdom.

 

"Who cares why." Kyung says, turning to look at Jaehyo. "What matters is that they broke up. And the man isn't petty enough to tell others about Jaehyo or his situation, or, well, his past situation. He's a doctor, he isn't dumb."

 

"He's a doctor?" Minhyuk repeats with disbelief and his eyes go wide. Jaehyo sighs, loud for all the world to hear. He can only imagine how terrible it might sound to a person. Having an affair with your doctor, nevertheless it being a man.

 

"And how do you know that, Kyung?" Jaehyo asks because he's sure he hasn't told anyone beside Taeil, and Taeil knows how to keep secrets, he's like a safe filled with them. Kyung smiles dangerously at Jaehyo. It almost makes Jaehyo regret he's asked and hadn't left the topic be and die down.

 

"You think I wouldn't notice the sleazy romance you had going on with your own doctor while being madly in love with Jiho? Sucks, doesn't it. But you rolled around quick, I'm kind of amazed, honestly." Kyung talks and he clearly isn't finished. Minhyuk looks as if he's heard the most scandalous news of the century and Jaehyo wants to crawl in a hole and die. "You don't seem like that type of person." He finishes and Jaehyo glares at him, Kyung finding the look the least threatening thing in the room, the first being half the song they haven't finished recording their parts of because they find Jaehyo's love life to be far more interesting.

 

"That type of person?" Jaehyo asks. "Like you, you mean?" Kyung really hasn't the privilage to judge and Jaehyo can't comprehend why he thinks he's all that to do it anyway.

 

"Exactly." Kyung agrees, ease in his words. "Know your own kind first, is how it goes." He smiles at Jaehyo brightly, then stands up to walk over to his chair before his laptop in front of the large window of the recording booth, steadily breathing himself into his working persona. "Which makes me think that Dr. Younghoon Kim was used as a distraction." He says, thoughtfully. Jaehyo raises an eyebrow because he doesn't even want to act like he understands what Kyung's talking about. That's usually the case.

 

"A distraction from what?" Jaehyo asks, though he really doesn't know why he does so. He knows the answer to his question, and he knows that Kyung is right. Kyung is right so often, Jaehyo feels like he's playing russian roulette when he and Kyung argue, and Jaehyo's most oftenly getting his ass handed to him.

 

"Jiho." Kyung's answer is simple but it's still enough to make Jaehyo think. Think about everything he's done and hasn't. Only for a bit though.

 

"You know, for someone, who said that he doesn't care, you talk awfully much about it." Jaehyo tells Kyung and looks at Minhyuk who doesn't find room to insert himself into the conversation from the corner of his eye, looking almost stunned. "Makes me almost think, that you do." He says, sarcastic as he can make it, and Kyung signals for Minhyuk to get into the booth. Minhyuk stands up and does as he's told, Jaehyo turning away from Kyung's very weirdly fond smile against the turned off microphone. "What do you think?" He asks. Just because. Just because he's curious.

 

"Jiho's been my friend since way too long ago. Though I hardly care for what happens to him now, I'm still practically obligated to. And you're my friend also, my hyung, technically, but I really can't bring myself to see you like that. I don't find you as a higher figure more than I do Minhyuk." He says, voice holding no malice. It's probably why Jaehyo doesn't get offended in the slightest. And that is precicely why Jaehyo's so taken aback and glad Minhyuk doesn't hear what Kyung says next, turning his head to look at Jaehyo over his shoulder making him look so untouchable and secretive. "He should've never broken up with Seolhyun over someone like you, is what I think."

 

And Jaehyo doesn't get offended. Though surprised. Because Kyung is his friend, and he is Jiho's friend. And he knows what he's talking about.

 

Because Kyung is more often than not right about everything not concerning him.

 

 

 

"So. How's Kim been treating you? What was his name..." Yukwon wonders for a moment. Jaehyo also has to wonder for a moment, on why everyone is so curious about that man. He himself found him pretty bland. "Younghoon, right?" He tries and looks at Jaehyo for affirmation. Jaehyo nods, Mr. Kim's name was Younghoon. Jaehyo, again, isn't too sure on how Yukwon even knows this, because he's pretty sure he's never told him. "You didn't... really talk about him much, I'm not sure any of us knew his name." Yukwon laughs awkwardly and Jaehyo wonders why the action is there. Maybe because he knows that he's just blurted out a lie. "But you seemed happy."

 

They're seated around a table in one of their favorite restaurants. Food's cheap here, and the meat they sell here is worth way more, because it's actually heavenly, but not like anyone will tell the owner that. There's three of them around the table, too. Though they were only supposed to be having lunch, Yukwon and Jaehyo, Yukwon got a message that Jihoon's in the area (thanks to some shady friend finding app) and he's invited him. Though, if you asked Jaehyo, he's quite sure Jihoon wasn't in the area by coincidence, but in the meantime Jaehyo's dealing with a serious case of deja vu, so he doesn't voice his suspicions.

 

"We broke up." Jaehyo answers, voice stale. Well, not like he was sad, or anything. "I broke up with him, specifically. Though I guess it's not really that important."

 

"How so?" Jihoon asks, not even looking up from his phone. The youth these days...

 

Dr. Kim cheated on him. Jaehyo wasn't hurt. He'd apologized for not being enough and then left. It was very easy. Surprisingly so. Before leaving, though, he heard Younghoon spouting some bullshit about love, but Jaehyo didn't really mind it. That's when Jiho was there, in his apartment, trying to comfort Jaehyo. And Jaehyo didn't necessarily know why, as he wasn't sad at all, and Jiho didn't even know what he was comforting Jaehyo about, but Jaehyo liked when Jiho was close, so he allowed him be curled up by his side on the couch as they were watching movies until dawn. 

 

"It doesn't matter." Both Yukwon and Jaehyo say at the same time. "I'm just kinda glad that it's over. I'm not sure how healthy the relationship was." Yukwon says and Jaehyo just sips on his water with a quiet _jinx_. Silently he's still trying to figure out why's Jaehyo miserable love life is any of their business, but he just can't get mad at Yukwon for that. But who he can get mad at is Jihoon.

 

"Why do you care so much anyway, Jihoon? It's really non of your business."

 

"We were all worried, Jaehyo. You're in love with Jiho so bad you vomit flower petals and then suddenly, when you're on your meds and going through therapy, your doctor swoops in and you start dating him like it's actually normal and okay to do so." Jihoon says and Jaehyo has to wonder if Jihoon was always so full of sense. "I mean, how sure were you he wasn't just using you?"

 

"Jihoon, how sure are _you_ that I wasn't using _him_?" Jaehyo asks, annoyed. "Maybe after being medicated and when my condition was blowing up between BBC's in their fan clubs and fan cafes for some time, and after almost dying for Jiho for months, maybe I actually wanted to feel loved. Maybe Younghoon was what I wanted him to be." He says, and after that, it's quiet for a full minute. "And anyway, we've broken up. Doesn't matter anymore. The end."

 

"You're right." Yukwon nods like he understands what Jaehyo went through and the conversation dies down there, until Jihoon pulls up a meme on his phone and shows the pair, to get them quietly chuckling to themselves.

 

 

 

 _Are you actually kidding me, Jiho?_

 

Jiho thinks about that time he's called Taeil to tell him his situation, and Taeil's answer was that. Jiho, admitedly, thinks about the conversation he's had with Taeil at that time more than it's probably worth thinking about. He remembers Taeil didn't like it, when Jiho told him that he's in love with Jaehyo. The distaste in his voice when he shouted at Jiho over the phone, telling him to call Jaehyo instead of him, was still much more forgiving than the thought of Jaehyo dating his doctor.

 

He doesn't need to get medicated. A specialist who, in the most raw way, specializes in unrequited love, tells him that only therapy will be enough, along with a praise that he's come in so early, when other people even wait to the point of not being able to be helped.

 

It's only natural, Jiho thinks, that he'd come in as soon as possible rather than wait longer. He, for one, didn't find the game Jaehyo liked playing of guessing the petals he's about to puke up charming at all.

 

But it's honestly all a lie. Taeil was the one that forced him to go to the hospital. Him, and the CEO as well. He didn't want Jiho, whose scedule is pure work, to be tied down by something like that. Losses for the company or whatever. Jiho didn't really care much, but he did kind of want to get himself treated, because the petals were sometimes painful and would get stuck in between his teeth and that's just plain annoying.

 

The treatment didn't last long. Not that it shouldn't have. Jiho just didn't like the attention he'd been given by the public, all the suspicion and stupid articles ready to wash his career down the drain, so he stopped going to the therapist after his second visit. Taeil was beyond mad. Still is, Jiho guesses. They haven't really talked in a while.

 

 

 

When it first happened, Jaehyo was with Jiho. Jiho was showing him his new solo song, quietly, shyly rapping him the lines over the loud tune blarring throughout his studio. Jaehyo could barely make out a word, yet complimented it in every way he knew how anyway after it was over. Jiho, then, extremely satisfied with the reaction excused himself for the restroom. Something wasn't right. He ran out the door, his mouth watering, his stomach churning, which was weird, as he hadn't eaten anything that day.

 

As he reached the restroom, he locked the door behind himself and fell to his knees in front of the toilet bowl. The unfamiliar texture travelling up to his mouth, if it was enough, made him want to puke more. But when the bowl before him filled with white petals of daisies, it all kinda made sense. That wasn't really a good thing, but at least Jiho knew what he was dealing with. And because of who he was dealing with it.

 

He didn't tell Jaehyo. Not that he didn't want to, he did, but Jaehyo was just finished with his treatment, he got better and he was in a relationship, though at that time he didn't know with whom. There wasn't a space in Jaehyo where Jiho could or allow himself to push himself into. This wasn't about Jiho and he wasn't about to make it about himself. He couldn't, he didn't want to. Though he probably should have, at that time, it didn't seem like a good idea.

 

 

 

Then for at least a month Jiho does a great job of hiding the fact he's constantly vomitting out his love in tiny light pieces. He does an awesome job until his condition gets _very bad_ , as Kyung puts it, and stays at home on lockdown, not calling, not going out to meet up with anyone. He sometimes messages Jaehyo, but that's as far as Jaehyo's getting. That gets Jaehyo slightly worried, so after a week of absolutely no contact at all he sends a message to the Block B chatroom nobody really uses but nobody deletes.

 

 _Jiho call me. I'm worried._ The message reads. _And I know that you're getting this because Kyung keeps putting this on read and he hasn't been on this chatroom for 5 years._

 

Jaehyo patiently waits for a reply. He doesn't get one, but what he gets is a call from Kyung, which isn't as good, but Jaehyo still picks it up with a tired _What's up?_

 

"Jiho can't talk right now, sorry." Kyung says with his annoying, care free voice.

 

"Reason?" Jaehyo asks and hopes his voice doesn't sound too needy. He's kind of curious on what had made Jiho be unreachable by all of humanity (except for Kyung, who, Jaehyo is sure, isn't exactly human. More like a really stupid demon.) 

 

"How would you react if I told you that Jiho's in love with you?" Kyung asks, and though that doesn't answer Jaehyo's question directly, he's okay with it. Well not _okay_ okay, he's panicking a little inside, but it's kind of okay.

 

"I mean, how I'll react right now? I don't know, I'm kind of taken aback, if that answers your question." Not being very taken aback, Jaehyo shrugs. He shrugs and thinks about it. Thinks about what Jiho's feeling right now, what he's going through and how long it's been going on. In the midts of his thinking, Kyung ends the call, and Jaehyo's taken back to reality with the first beep his phone throws his way.

 

Jaehyo goes to his bedroom. It's late. He has to think about Jiho some more. His heart races slightly.

 

Jaehyo thinks about it a lot. He also dreams about it. He keeps on packing his shit up for his guilt trips and feels bad for bringing the ideas of Jiho on them. Because Jiho is good, and he shouldn't be someone who knocks Jaehyo's balance off like that. Because Jaehyo likes Jiho a lot and he doesn't want to stop liking Jiho a lot.

 

He also thinks about the situation as a whole, not only about Jiho, like he's used to doing. He's gotten treatment for loving Jiho too hard and too long, and Jiho not loving him back. As soon as he's, well, officially healthy, Jiho suddenly loves him, but Jaehyo can't even say that Jiho loves him back, because Jaehyo doesn't really love him anymore. He thinks.

 

When you love a person for so long, some of it fades and you get used to it. It's not _that_ magical after a while, so Jaehyo just has to question himself on how well the meds can fend off feelings Jaehyo doesn't really know are real or not. They might very well be, because Jaehyo still thinks about Jiho a lot and he still _might_ love Jiho a little.

 

He doesn't think he's ever stopped thinking about Jiho after he started doing so. He's not sure he's ever tried not thinking about Jiho.

 

 

 

There's a window of four days between Kyung's call and Jiho's. When Jaehyo's phone starts ringing with Jiho's number, he's hanging out with Taeil. Taeil looks at the caller ID and srunches his nose when he sees 'Jihoe' plastered across the screen. Jaehyo raises an eyebrow at the reaction but takes his phone as fast as he can, because he swears he's been dreaming about a call from Jiho for the past two nights. If he could remember his dreams, he'd say for sure.

 

"Hello?" Jaehyo picks up the call.

 

"Oh, Jaehyo! I didn't think you'd pick up." Jiho answers, honest. Jaehyo wonders for a moment over his loudly beating heart why Jiho would think that. "I was meaning to tell you this, Kyung kinda beat me to it, because I couldn't talk at the time." Jaehyo hums but doesn't ask. He doesn't think it matters. "Anyway... I love you."

 

"Wait, hold on." Jaehyo says and moves his hand in a way as if to signal Jiho to calm down, if he was in front of him. In front of him is Taeil though, who shoots him a questioning look. "Don't just say _anyway, I love you_ like it's no big deal." He says and Taeil's eyes go wide, the coffee cup in front of him staring back at him. He doesn't really want to hear this conversation, but he's really curious, so he patiently sits at the table in the quiet coffee shop and reads the facial expressions Jaehyo's wearing.

 

"Well, it shouldn't be big deal. You love me too, don't you?.." Jiho answers and it's weird, because Jaehyo's not quite sure if Jiho's right or not. Because Jaehyo isn't sure anymore, because being in love with Jiho and not just has... very little difference to Jaehyo, he's found, he doesn't even protest against what Jiho's said. "You have any idea how freaked out I got once I felt myself puking, but nothing came out? That was the last time it happened. I knew then, for sure."

 

"You love me..." Jaehyo says instead. "I thought you were straight. You told me you were straight. That's not how sexuality works. You don't just wake up one morning and go _Shit, even though I am straight I am in love with this one particular man._ That doesn't happen."

 

"It doesn't. It didn't happen overnight, Jaehyo. I thought I was straight, too. Weird, right?" Jiho talks and Jaehyo still can't believe it. It is pretty weird. It prompts Jaehyo to wonder how long Jiho's felt this way and if he even noticed it. Jiho... wasn't very intact with his emotions as a person in general.

 

"It's unbelievable. Jiho, this is way too convenient. Are we in some book, for it to suddenly end so well? No. There's no way this is working out." Jaehyo talks, almost defensive.

 

"Well, the flowers stopped for me. I don't understand why you want to make this so difficult." Jiho says and Jaehyo can just imagine the pout on his lips as he says that.

 

"Maybe they stopped on their own." Jaehyo offers, because he's not sure he's okay with this ending. He's not sure he deserves it. Taeil, sitting across from him, is looking at him with almost apologetic eyes. Jaehyo doesn't know what Taeil has to be apologetic for.

 

"You know they don't do that." Jiho shakes his head. "Tell me where you are, I'll come to you. We can talk."

 

"But--"

 

"Why are you suddenly so against this?" Jiho asks, disbelief in his voice. "You love me for years and when I love you back you suddenly stop? Why don't you want this work out? It's not that complex anymore. I love you, you love me, _even_ after getting treated for loving me you do, _again_ or still, but you don't... want me?"

 

"I didn't say that." Jaehyo shakes his head. "I'm with Taeil right now. Want to come here? I'll send you the address. We can talk face to face."

 

"Okay. I'll be there as soon as I can." Jiho says and Jaehyo cuts the call without a goodbye. A shadow of unease falls onto Taeil's face, but the way Taeil looks at Jaehyo, Jaehyo can guess his face reflects the same.

 

"I'm gonna go now." Taeil decides after a minute of silence. Jaehyo's eyebrows furrow at his phone from the sudden decision. He looks over at Taeil's almost full cup of coffee. He looks at him, his eyes asking what brought his sudden decision to leave. Taeil recognizes the look. "I don't want to talk to Jiho." He informs with an easy tone.

 

"Why?" Jaehyo asks, looking up from his phone to Taeil again, who's already stood up and is wrapping the scarf his _friend_ had given to him on Christmas. Which really wasn't that long, Jaehyo wonders for a second on how their relationship is going.

 

"We've got some... unresolved issues, I guess you could call it." Taeil says. Jaehyo figures he'll have to ask about how his friend is doing some other time. Or over text. Taeil likes texting and Jaehyo likes the little cute kaomojis with pixelated sparkles and flowers Taeil puts at the end of a sarcastic message. "I mean, _I've_ got some unresolved issues with him." He says, sheepishly. "I'll get over it." He lets Jaehyo know with a smile, so the worry on his face would wash away. It does. Taeil's glad. He washes the glad down with his amost full cup of black coffee. Jaehyo looks at him with disgust as pure as the coffee Taeil's drunk was.

 

 

 

Nothing really changed since then. They hang out like they used to. They sometimes kiss when nobody watches and they sometimes spend their nights together. But it's okay like this, because Jaehyo doesn't really want anything different. But he likes it like this, even though he still feels reluctant to use the term 'dating' when explaining his and Jiho's relationship to those who mattered.

 

But now they were together. For the first time, actually happy. More than friends. Finally lovers. But Jaehyo will keep quiet about the guilty feeling making him woozy every other morning Jiho finds the time to wake up beside him instead of in his dark studio. He'll keep quiet about how he feels he's forced Jiho to be with him, and love him, with his stupid persistence to love. He'll keep quiet about how Jiho's clear happiness is probably the doing of Jaehyo and his beautiful flowers, and Jiho hasn't been given a chance to escape.

 

He feels guilty towards Jiho, and sorry, but he just loves him so damn much, he doesn't have the time to apologize.

**Author's Note:**

> it took me half a year to write this. why did it take me half a year to write this? because the writing style isn't my actual writing style, i can't write angst to save my life and i'm probably the most unmotivated procrastinator to ever start writing fanfiction (kinda arguable though).


End file.
